At the zoo

Animals trapped behind bars at the zoo, need to run rampant and free

Animals trapped behind bars at the zoo 

My next destination was Los Angeles, the City of Angels, a fairly short and trouble free flight from San Francisco. LAX was probably the quickest I have managed to get from the plane and out of the airport. Once the aircraft door was open I was off the plane really quickly. My luggage was on the carousel going round in slow circles by the time I got there. Having grabbed my case I walked out of the nearest door to find the bus I needed waiting right in front of me. I would like to claim that I had planned it all and knew exactly where I was going but I was just lucky. I jumped straight on to the bus and texted Josh to let him know that because it had all gone so smoothly I was about an hour earlier than I had originally told him I would be arriving. I was getting the bus over to Van Nuys airport (or Van Nuts as my autocorrect changed it to) and from there I was being collected and by Chris, a friend of Josh’s and taken over to Sherman Oaks. I quickly learned that LA is a bloody big place.

Old Zoo

Once we arrived at the house I was greeted by Josh, introduced to a friend of his who was visiting from San Francisco, Jeff, and given a quick tour of the place. Josh told me that he had decided to give me a nickname for the duration of my stay with him in LA. On account of my hirsuiteness and my Englishness I would henceforth be called Hairy Poppins. I had been called worse things in my time so I decided to let it slide. As nicknames go it wasn’t too bad. Besides, as my friends will tell you, I am practically perfect in every way. My new nickname gave me an opportunity to do a Dick van Dyke cockney accent (basically Australian). It also reminded me of a time when my sister took a little longer than everyone else at a comedy show to get a joke about his English name being Penis van Lesbian and then couldn’t stop laughing about it. I think I spent more time laughing at her laughing than laughing at the comedian.

We headed out for a late brunch/lunch at a place called Jinky’s. Everyone went for some form of breakfast brunch item apart from me. I ordered a salad deciding I needed something light. The meal arrived and I looked on at the brunch items with a hint of envy. After about half an hour of continually eating salad it didn’t seem to have gone down any. I carried on eating for a while but finally gave up with the bowl still half full. If I ever make it to the States to live I will have to be very careful as I could easily end up the size of a house with the portions that they serve. Afternoon slipped into evening and we spent the evening chatting as though we had known each other for years.

Gay miniature golf

The next morning, after a bit of a lie in (Josh explained he wasn’t a morning person), we headed for a round of gay miniature golf. It is exactly the same as miniature golf but with lots of double entendres about holes, balls and sticks as you work your way round the course. I hadn’t played mini golf for years but it was really good to act like a big kid again. I’m not very competitive but I won. The place where we did the miniature golf also had batting cages and Josh tried to get me to have a go. I was tempted to have a go until I saw a couple of young kids in there. I knew that they would be better than me and didn’t want to be shown up. Besides, I’m not a fan of anything where balls fly towards my face.

Need to run rampant and free

Coyote

We grabbed some lunch and headed up to Griffith Park to see the site of the old LA Zoo. The place has been abandoned for decades, the new zoo being a couple of miles away, but a lot of the cages remain. As if the abandoned cages weren’t spooky enough they were still clearing up the remaining props that had been used over Halloween when a ghost train ride had been set up in the area. Having been in a few of the cages and had a wander round we did a bit of a hike, which took us up into the hills. I asked if we would be able to see the Hollywood sign but we were round the wrong bit of the hills. In the end our walk was cut short when we headed round a bend and came face to face with a coyote. I managed to not scream like a girl, which I think was good for me.

That evening saw us venture in to West Hollywood for a couple of drinks at an event called Stripper Circus at Here Lounge. There were carnival games to play and you got given a token for one free game when you arrived. The carnival games were gay takes on old classics. There was also a coconut shy-esque game called “Tip-a-tranny” which involved throwing balls at a row of badly dressed Barbie dolls to knock them over. I opted for trying my arm at throwing three small dildos into the mouth of the drag queen (not a real drag queen of course but a wooden board with a drag queen painted on it and a large hole cut in it for the mouth).

Having failed to win any prizes (either a free drink, porn or lube rather than the traditional goldfish in a bag) for my dildo throwing I turned my attention to having a couple of drinks, chatting to Josh and Chris and being introduced to various friends of theirs. I tried my best to remember names but didn’t do too well, the only one I remembered was another guy called Josh but only because I pointed out he had the same name as my current gay. Another drink or two later we had a wander to the bit of the bar where the strippers were dancing. They were better quality than some of the ones that I had seen so far on my travels but still not good enough for me to part with any money. It was a fun night though and my first experience of WeHo was a good one.

“Animals trapped behind bars at the zoo, need to run rampant and free” 
Lyrics from Alive (Reprise) from the musical Jekyll & Hyde