We are a family

No matter what we are, we are a family

A long weekend in Sheffield was great practice for my upcoming travels. A 2-hour train journey to a place where I don’t know if I should drink the water and where I have a basic grasp of the language but don’t understand everything the locals say.  I’m home as mother is celebrating her 60th birthday.

I’m getting a mid afternoon train home, off-peak travel being one of the benefits of no longer having a job.  The train seems to be full of older people. In fact, it could easily double as the casting call for a remake of Cocoon.  The journey passes without incident and I head to meet my sister at her office.  The receptionist, pre-warned that I am arriving, remarks how similar my sister and I look. I’m not sure who should be more offended, but settle on my sister.

As it is mother’s actual birthday we celebrate with a meal out, during which I try to get a few action shots so we can make a photo book as a memento of the celebrations.  Two hundred photos later I think we have about a half dozen that might be ok with a little bit of photo-shopping. I blame the subject matter rather than my skills as a photographer.

The following day we head across the hills to go see my 91 year-old granddad. I don’t see my granddad as often as I should. He is my last surviving grandparent and despite his age is still as sharp anything. We’ve never told him that I’m gay. When I came out 13 years ago we decided that as he was approaching 80 there wasn’t much point telling him. I’m not sure if he knows but he has long since stopped asking if I am courting or not.

Me and my sister

After helping him do a few jobs (a visit to the chiropodist, the post office and the supermarket) we go for lunch.  I’ve tried telling my friends that I am the quiet one in the family, a fact they never believe until they meet the family.  Granddad, having had a child’s portion fish and chips for lunch, comments on a somewhat larger lady nearby having the adult portion. “She must have knickers like a bell tent.” he says in a rather loud voice.
The following day, Saturday, is the day of mother’s 60th birthday party.  My sister has organised everything – the buffet (an amazing array of Indian food homemade by the sister of one of mother’s work friends), the embarrassing photos of mother placed around the house (not difficult to find), the cake, the decorations and balloons.  The party is a huge success and it makes the weekend a lot easier for me. We are here to celebrate mother reaching a milestone age rather than it being me coming home for a weekend to say goodbye.

Me with mother. She's 60 you know

Sunday, with a surprising lack of hangovers all round, we head up to mother’s to do the cleaning up. Dinner consists of left over Indian, which is just as delicious the next day.  I also introduce mother to Skype so that we can keep in touch while I am away.  We have a test run which seems to go quite well. The wonders of modern technology.

Monday my sister has the day off and we get an early train over to Manchester to go see some friends of mine who have just had a baby.  It’s great to catch up with them as I haven’t seen them since the start of the year when they moved out of London.  I hold the baby for a little while and manage not to break it, something I am always scared of whenever someone passes me one to hold.

Tuesday arrives, time for me to get my train back to London and to do the final goodbyes to the family.  We don’t see each other that often and I’ll only be out of the country for 9 months but the goodbyes are very emotional. It makes me realise how lucky I am to have mother and my sister.  They say your friends are the family you choose.  I count them both as friends as well as family.

Mother reminds me that she retires two days after I set off so she could quite easily join me on my travels. She’s joking, I think…

“No matter what we are, we are a family” 
Lyrics from Family from the musical Dreamgirls

A quick goodbye

Could I wave the years away with a quick goodbye? How do you wipe tears away when your eyes are dry?

Wave the years away

Friday 13 May. Who says it’s supposed to be unlucky? I’m in the office on time for my last day, my stomach a mix of nerves, excitement and last night’s champagne. I walk in to find my desk festooned with flags from the countries of the world, “Good luck” balloons tied to my chair and a banner wishing me bon voyage.  I’m touched that my friends at work have remembered it is my last day – it’s not like I have been counting down every day since I handed in my notice 13 weeks ago… 

My travel buddy Dean

Alongside the decorations are some neatly wrapped presents from Sarah and Marcella. The gifts (a collection of useful travel items and things to remind me of being in the office) include Dean the Mounted Patrol Officer, a reminder of the police horses that go past the office every day.  Dean will be my travel companion and will star in photos at various landmarks round the world.

A last day lunch (which included a last day bottle of wine) led to early afternoon when my colleagues all started to drift towards my desk. It was time for the leaving speech from Emma, one of the partners. Emma started one story with “People won’t know this but….” and then recounted the story of how I watched her trying to open a fridge for a couple of minutes before pointing out to her that it opened from the other side. People did know; I had told quite a few people the story the day it happened and may have even posted something on Facebook. The speech was heartfelt and humorous, the perfect send off. I got through my speech without crying and, more importantly, without insulting anyone (much!).

A quick goodbye
The evening of my last day was supposed to be a quiet affair given I was having leaving drinks the following day.  The plan was low-key drinks near the office followed by 2 hours of off-key karaoke.  I’d booked karaoke for the early evening so it wouldn’t be too late a night. No matter how long you make the karaoke booking for you always end up asking for an extra hour when your time is up. 

Three hours of karaoke later we had butchered some classic songs, trying to stick to a leaving or travelling theme.  Highlights included a slightly modified Madonna song, “Holigay”, and the girls doing a group number that summed up their feelings about me going.  The song was “Hole in the head” by the Sugababes.  Charming.
 

Wipe tears away

Saturday 14 May. My leaving party (and Eurovision) at a lovely venue, 26 Smithfield.  I had said that I would be there at 7pm but arrived about ten minutes early.  The venue was in darkness and the door was locked. I think it is safe to say I had a mild panic attack over the next ten minutes wondering if I had got the right date, time, venue. At precisely 7pm a girl arrived to open the doors and let me in. Panic over.  A steady stream of friends came and went over the course of the evening and I had a great time.  I felt like I chatted to everyone and no-one.

Eurovision was shown on the big screen.  Silence descended on the venue when Blue performed for the UK (apart from a couple of Irish hecklers shouting out “Jedward” during the performance).  Part way through the voting the screen went off. There were shouts and groans from the audience and I thought that there was going to be a riot.  After a couple of minutes someone worked out which button needed pressing and the screen was once again showing the voting. 

A couple of the girls from my department who came along expressed their bitter disappointment that there were so many good-looking men in the room but that they were all gay.  I had invited a single straight man but he had been unable to make it despite me telling him that it would have been like shooting fish in a barrel.

As the evening went on the goodbyes started.  I don’t think I have ever been hugged by so many people in one evening and admit to getting a lump in my throat and a little teary a number of times that evening.

Eyes are dry

Monday 16 May. My first official day of not having a job. I send a text to Marcella, my former secretary and friend from work. “How is the office without me? Are you missing me?”

The response was typical Marcella and simply read, “Who is this?”.

“Could I wave the years away with a quick goodbye? How do you wipe tears away when your eyes are dry?” 

Lyrics from Could I Leave You? from the musical Follies

So long, farewell

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye

So long

The goodbyes have started. I’ve still got a week left at work and just under 4 weeks until I leave the UK but they’ve started.  I wasn’t prepared for them. In my head the work goodbye is 13 May, the friends goodbye is 14 May and the family goodbye is a long weekend affair mixed with mother’s 60^th birthday celebrations. I’ll get told off for mentioning that again.  Still, it's not like I'm also broadcasting that mother retires at the start of June and will be a proper pensioner.

Farewell

The temp secretary came to say goodbye the other day as her temp role had come to an end. She told me to have a great time on my travels and to not speak to any strange women while I was away. I’m not sure she got the concept of my travels. Or maybe she did and she was referring to lesbians? Still, she did slightly better than the previous temp secretary who actually thought that I was going away for a year and taking 80 gays with me, on some sort of big gay coach trip. I’m not one to make generalisations but they are both from Essex…

Auf Wiedersehen

This week also held a few drinks with some of the gays from work.  The lovely Mags came down from the Manchester office, or as we like to call it, the nether regions. 

Mags: So how long have you got left now?

Me:     6 days at work and just under 4 weeks until I fly off to New York

Mags: Your grin in massive

Me:     Yes, I can’t wait to set off. Getting very excited

Mags: You’ll miss us though won’t you? There must be a kernel of sadness somewhere inside?

Me:     A what?

Mags: Kernel of sadness

Me:     Wasn’t he the Kentucky Fried Chicken guy?

Goodbye

My last day at work is sandwiched between a big work client event (free cocktails all evening) on the Thursday and my leaving party on the Saturday.  However, I’ve been told I need to do something on the Friday to mark the occasion. Cue “leaving to go travelling” themed karaoke with a few friends.  I approach karaoke with much more enthusiasm than singing ability, as do the people I am going with.  I’ll be sure to do my standard karaoke duet with Sarah. We do a unique rendition of Islands in the Stream by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. Sarah is great – she always allows me to be Dolly.

“So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye” 
Lyrics from So Long, Farewell from the musical The Sound of Music