I'd like you anyway

If you were gay, that’d be okay, I mean ‘cause hey, I’d like you anyway

If you were gay, that’d be okay 

I woke to a very early alarm. I had set it with the intention of watching the sunrise and getting started on my hike early before it got too warm. The best laid plans however…I switched the alarm off and rolled over, going back to sleep for a couple of hours. I figured I was on my holidays so I might as well make the most of being able to snooze. Once I was finally up and awake I got myself ready, watched the rest of the episode of American Horror Story I had started the previous night (much less scary watching it in broad daylight) and headed in to town to get a proper coffee and some breakfast. I then headed back to the hostel, made myself a picnic lunch and having collected a map of the local area from the stack in reception, set off on my hike.

My hike took me through the Parihaka Reserve, the trail winding slowly up through the wooded hills to a great look out spot which made the climb worth it. It gave me great views over Whangerei, which looked tiny from the top of the hill. I hadn’t passed anyone else on the hike up and the look out spot was empty too. It was nice (although slightly strange) to feel like I had the entire place to myself. Rather aptly I had been listening to “Into the Woods” on my iPod although I didn’t come across any wolves, witches or princes on my hike. I continued my hike by hitting the Hatea River Walk and up to the Whangerei Falls. Having had the place to myself for so long it came as a bit of a shock to turn a corner and nearly bump into a group of people walking the other way. I had been singing out loud too which anyone who has heard me attempt karaoke can confirm is not a good thing. I was a little embarrassed to say the least. They smiled and we exchanged “hellos” before carrying on our respective walks. I found a nice sunny grassy spot to stop for my picnic lunch and a rest for an hour or so, before I set back off, retracing the route I had headed back to shower and change. 

Rainbow over Whangerei Falls

I decided that following such an energetic and healthy day a post walk glass of wine was in order. I cracked open a bottle of red, got some dinner and sat on the deck outside my room. Out of idle curiosity I grabbed my laptop, opened it and did a search to see whether there was a gay bar in the area (I was certain that there wouldn’t be but I wanted to check, just to make sure I wasn't missing out on anything). Sure enough there were no gay bars in Whangarei. I declared my deck the new gay hotspot in town despite the fact that I was drinking alone. Still, it was no different to how my night out in Auckland had started. It made me realise that I had been relatively fortunate to grow up in a big city that had at least some gay nightlife when I was coming out. Coming out stories had been one of the running themes of the conversations I’ve had with the people I have met on this trip so far. Some have been funny, most have been touching and emotional, a couple have unfortunately been sad with the person being disowned by family. Here is mine.

I mean ‘cause hey, I’d like you anyway

I came out to my family and friends when I was 20. I was at university, in my second year and living away from home. I had known I had found boys attractive since I was about 14 or 15. I had thought it might "be a phase I was going through" as that is what people seemed to say but had come to realise it wasn’t. I had got to the point where I needed to tell people. It was getting tiring having to think about what I said to friends & colleagues. I was tired of having to use gender non-specific terms when talking about the guy I was seeing. I decided that the first person I needed to tell was the most important person in my life, Mother. That was going to be the hardest thing in the world to do and it took me a while to build up the courage to do it. To cut a long story short I finally told her one evening after an earlier aborted attempt where I had bottled it. She asked me a lot of questions, we talked for a couple of hours and then she went home. Shortly after she called me and when I answered the phone she said “You know that I still love you” and hung up. I thought all things considered she had taken it really well. I found out a few years later that once she got home she actually drank half a bottle of brandy and had the rest of the week off work.

Mother had said she would tell my sister and had called her to say that she needed to talk to her about me. My sister’s initial reaction was to ask Mother if I had got someone pregnant. Mother said that I hadn’t and I was unlikely to. We decided that we wouldn’t tell my granddad, my only surviving grandparent, as he was nearly 80 at the time. He is still going strong and will be 92 on his next birthday. We still haven’t told him but he is not stupid so he might have guessed. He long ago stopped asking me if I was “courting”.

My university housemates took it in their stride and didn’t seem too surprised. My supermarket check out colleagues, mostly middle aged women, also seemed unfazed by it. I became the “go to” guy for any questions vaguely gay related. One particular occasion that sticks in my mind was a Saturday lunchtime, just after the first episode of Queer of Folk had been shown on Channel 4. A couple of the women I was sat with had clearly watched it and were asking me questions such as “Had I been to Canal Street?” and “When had I realised I was gay?” which I answered without too much difficulty. I was just about to take a bite of my cheese sandwich when one of the women (who must have been pushing 60) innocently turned to me and asked “What is rimming?”. I nearly choked on my lunch. All thing considered though I count myself very fortunate with how people have reacted to me coming out.

Sunset over Whangerei

Anyway, back to Whangarei. The following morning I woke to the sound of rain and was secretly pleased as it meant I could have a lazy morning without feeling too guilty about it. Also, my legs were slightly stiff from the hiking of the previous day. The weather cleared around lunchtime and I wandered down in to town to get myself some lunch. I had a walk round the marina and then headed back up to pack my case ready for the morning. I watched the sun set over the hills and then headed back. The noticeboard in the hostel had some information about a walk that could be done at night into the woods to see the glow worms. I figured this was not a euphemism so thought about doing the walk to see them. As I was getting ready the clouds came back in and it starting raining again. I wasn’t that bothered about seeing glow worms, not enough to get soaking wet and muddy for them, so I had a chilled evening ready to get up early for a bus trip back to Auckland in the morning.

“If you were gay, that’d be okay, I mean ‘cause hey, I’d like you anyway” 
Lyrics from If you were gay from the musical Avenue Q