I sailed away

I sailed away on that little boat to heaven, and by some chance found a bottle in my fist

I sailed away
Sunday morning the whole house was up by 9am to go to church. They asked if I would like to join them, assuring me that it was not like a normal church (it was held in a movie theatre). I declined so that I could catch up with Mother & my sister on Skype. I also got to chat to my dear friend Gail and cute 2 year-old godson Nathan. It was great catching up with everyone and hearing Nathan saying my name.

After everyone returned from church Rhett and I headed to pick up Molly and the three of us drove out to the lake to meet up with some of the I+W people for a day on a pontoon boat. We arrived at the marina early afternoon & the others were waiting for us on the boat. They had already been out on the lake for the morning. We boarded, bringing with us some food and drink for the afternoon. Rhett had made a huge bowl of salsa, Molly had made vegetable chips & we had a bottle of Tito’s, vodka from Texas. There was already a veritable buffet and bar spread out at the back of the boat and we added to it.

I was introduced to everyone on board promptly forgetting most of the names. Rhett explained what I was doing in Nashville. He seemed to be very pleased that he was number 14. Our captain for the day was Matt & we headed out across the water to find a nice place to stop for a swim. We found a fairly quiet little spot & slowed down. One of the girls dropped anchor and we prepared ourselves for the water. The pontoon boat had a slide from the upper deck down into the water. One of the guys went flying down the slide and into the water. We had drifted in close to the shore but the water was still fairly deep. A couple of the girls asked if we could move further out as they didn’t want to be able to touch the muddy bottom of the lake. After about five minutes of wrestling with the anchor, which had got caught on something, we made our way out to some deeper water. Matt switched off the engine. I went to the front to drop anchor. Matt shouted to me on how best to anchor the boat. He shouted “Make sure you really toss it off”. I dissolved into fits of giggles while everyone looked at me confused. After I had dropped anchor I explained the other meaning of tossing something off.

On that little boat to heaven

We spent the afternoon swimming in the lake. Actually, to be more accurate, we spent the afternoon floating in the lake while we drank. We would periodically get out of the water for some more food or to top up our glasses. I was in the water chatting to Rachel when Matt shouted “Hi!” and ran waving off the side of the boat, straight into the lake with a loud splash. Rachel said something to me that I didn’t quite hear over the sound of the water, the music and the general chatter coming from the rest of the group. The ensuing conversation went something like this:

Me:                  Did you just ask if I had a foreskin?

Rachel:            Oh my god, no. Is that what you thought I had said?

Me:                  Yes, that is what it sounded like.

Rachel:            I asked if you had seen Forrest Gump! You know, the film.

Me:                  Oh good lord, I’m so sorry. It sounded like you said foreskin. I blame your accent.

At that point the rest of the group who had floated towards us picked up on the conversation, someone saying “Did Rachel just ask you if you had a foreskin?”. We explained the conversation and misunderstanding to the rest of the group before going on to having a conversation about the difference between American and British men in the downstairs department during which time I did answer the question that I had thought had been asked.

A little while later back on board the boat the conversation got back round to the topic on male members in all their forms. A couple of the girls admitted to having never seen a guy with a foreskin (I didn’t offer to show them, we weren’t that drunk) but I did my best to explain the concept and how it worked by using an unopened packet of string cheese. I think by the end of the demonstration they had a good grasp of the main differences and the implications. Rachel said that string cheese would never be the same again.

The rest of the afternoon was spent drinking, eating & swimming. We were having so much fun that as it approached the time for us to head back Carrie called the boat company and asked if we needed to get the boat back by 5pm or whether we could come back a bit later. They gave us another hour. We all got back in the water for one final swim before making our way back to the marina. After the boat we all headed back to Matt & Carrie’s place as they had offered to grill. I didn’t really need any more food but the homemade burgers looked amazing so I had one. With cheese. And ketchup.

Rhett and I headed home around 10pm and then spent one final evening in the pool chatting and drinking, reminiscing about the fun adventures that had happened over the last few days. By the time I headed to bed my stomach was sore from laughing. The next morning I got up and packed ready for my bus trip to Memphis. I said goodbye to Mama T giving her a great big hug & thanking her for everything. She told me she now thought of me as her faux son number 2 (Rhett being her faux son number 1). Rhett dropped me off at the Greyhound bus terminal and got out of the car to give me a big hug goodbye. For the first time in my trip I cried saying goodbye to someone.

I pulled it together for waiting in the Greyhound terminal. It didn’t seem the sort of place that a man crying would go down particularly well. The bus arrived and we began to board. I found myself a seat towards the back, settling in to the window seat. A guy with quite a few tattoos asked if the seat next to me was free. I said it was. I got my laptop out, put my headphones in & settled back to watch Dirty Dancing. It is my feel good film, reminding me of the time I went to Budapest with my friend Sarah and we watched it on the flight home. We both know the vast majority of the script and did most of the lines out loud, much to the annoyance of the other passenger sharing our row.

About half an hour out of Memphis my battery was nearly dead so I switched off the laptop & took my headphones out. The guy next to me took this as his cue to start a conversation. He said that he had detected I had an accent. He asked where I was from. After I said I was English he asked me what words we used that were different from the words Americans used. I gave him a few examples – boot instead of trunk, pavement instead of sidewalk, nappy instead of diaper. He repeated them to his friend who was sat in the seat in front. He said that he had been on the bus the week before and had sat next to someone from Europe. I asked if he knew where in Europe. He said he didn’t remember the city that they were from. I asked if he knew which country they were from. He said Europe. I wasn’t sure how to respond. He then offered me some chewing tobacco. I politely declined. You’ve got to love that southern hospitality.

With many thanks to Josh for the photos

“I sailed away on that little boat to heaven, and by some chance found a bottle in my fist” 

Lyrics from Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ the Boat from the musical Guys and Dolls