On the ocean floor

Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor

Just look at the world around you 

Blue sky and blue water

I was awake very early the next morning. I had not slept well the night before mainly due to several espresso martinis consumed the previous evening. I think it was more the coffee than the alcohol that kept me awake. They certainly managed to do what they were invented for. The story goes that Kate Moss went to a bar and asked the bartender, a guy by the name of Dick, to make something that would “wake me up and then f**k me up” and so the espresso martini was born. I started my day with a coffee (no vodka this time) despite the fact that I probably didn’t need any more caffeine. Jason was already up and heading to work around the same time I needed to leave so he said he would give me a lift to the wharf. From there I would get the boat for my second trip of my Port Douglas stay, snorkelling on the Great Barrier Reef.

Having been dropped off I made my way to the ticket office and collected my ticket. Mates rates arranged by Michael meant that I got the trip for half price, a definite advantage of staying with locals especially in a small town. Once on board the boat I found myself a seat, leaving my bag on it while I went to get a drink and some breakfast. We would be sailing out to the first reef, a journey of an hour or so. Over the day we would get to snorkel at three different reefs. With the sun streaming in through the window and the calm flat sea it was a very smooth journey and I had a bit of a snooze on the way out. A member of staff who needed me to fill out a form woke me up. I filled in the form without really reading it, assuming it was so I couldn’t sue them if they left me behind in the water. He asked if I wanted to try scuba diving and I declined as I am not the most proficient swimmer. I wasn’t sure if being entirely under the water would freak me out and ruin the whole experience.

Impossible to look good in a stinger suit

After the safety briefing I made my way to the back of the boat to get into my ever so sexy stinger suit and then be fitted for some flippers (I ended up having to get extra large ones), a snorkel and a mask. I caught a reflection of myself in the window on the boat – full lycra suit waddling along in massive flippers. It was not a pretty sight.  Thankfully I was a little more graceful once I was in the water. The water was crystal clear and the fish and sea creatures I could see made me think I was in the Finding Nemo cartoon. It was so stunning that I regularly found I had been holding my breath, not wanting to scare off the fish. It took me a while to remember to breath as well as swim. It was another point on my trip when I wished that I had someone there with me to appreciate the beauty of the place. I swam until the horn on the boat went, swimming back and climbing on board with as much grace as I could muster in the flippers. I found a spot on one of the benches to sit while I got out of my flippers and stinger suit. As I sat back up I raised my head to see a rather large woman right in front of me, in the midst of getting out of her stinger suit, revealing her swimming costume. I was treated to a close up view of her thighbrows.

Right here on the ocean floor 

Thankfully there was a bit of a gap between seeing the hairy inner thighs of the woman on the boat and lunch so my appetite had returned by the time lunch was served. I had lunch and then went for my second snorkelling session of the day, only slightly concerned that I was going swimming on a full stomach. At the second reef we got to see a shipwreck not far from where we had stopped although there was not much left to see. It had been some sort of wooden fishing boat and all that remained was the anchor and the engine block. At the third and final reef a couple of the guys from the boat company did guided tours in the water, stopping to point things out to the people following them. I stayed with the tour for a while but it was a little crowded so I headed off on my own. Once I was back on board after the final swim I dried off and changed back into my shorts and t-shirt and slept all the way back to Port Douglas. I can’t recommend the trip highly enough if you visit Port Douglas or Cairns. Even if you are not a great swimmer you can see some amazing stuff on the reef not far from the boat.

It was Jason’s birthday so on the way back from the reef trip I called in at the bottle shop to get a couple of bottles of wine for the party he was throwing and a bottle of bubbly as a birthday present. I met him at work where he was getting his hair done for the occasion. Once he was finished we headed back to his where I showered and changed while Jason and Michael set everything up for the party. Drinks, nibbles and Singstar on the Playstation. I figured we were in for a long and potentially drunken night. The other guests starting arriving and I was introduced to a lot of people in a short space of time. I apologised in advance for forgetting names, knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to remember them all. Everyone was very friendly and welcoming. Nobody seemed fazed by my explanation of how I knew Jason and Michael although hearing myself explain it to them I knew it must sound very strange. Despite having only just met them I felt part of the group and shared a few tales with them that hadn’t quite made it into the blog (I have to save some juicy details for the 80 Gays book….).

Before long the party was in full swing. I have a vague recollection of trying on some platform wedges belonging to one of the girls at the party and doing a bit of a runway walk through the lounge. It was the first time I had been in heels since West Virginia when I had spent the weekend with Robby and his friends and Betty had brought his heels to do a spot of drag for us. I don’t know how women walk in those things or why they subject themselves to it. My calves hurt after less than 30 seconds in them. I came to the conclusion that the heels thing would be the downfall of any potential career as a drag queen along with not being able to sing/mime or dance particularly well, having thighs like tree trunks and being crap at putting on make up – the only time I tired to put eyeliner on I ended up looking like a panda. I am however capable of being a proper bitch but I don’t think that makes up for it. As the night wore people drifted off home leaving the hard-core drinkers sat out on the patio. Around 1am someone cracked open a bottle of Jägermeister and shots were passed around. I am not that keen on the stuff but joined in, to be polite. I headed to bed around 3am, leaving about a half dozen people still up partying.

I surfaced fairly late the next morning, although it was still morning (just). I got up in search of a large glass of water and some coffee. Jason was already up and had cleaned up from the night before. I am not sure where he got his energy from but he was in a very cheery mood. I needed some caffeine before I could be quite so cheery. Michael surfaced just after midday and cooked a late brunch for us. We were joined by Troy who had not made it home after the party but instead had slept in the caravan on Jason’s drive that belonged to their parents. Along with some great eggs benny Michael also cooked some kangaroo steak as I had not had any in Australia so far. I’d never really watched Skippy as a child so I had no qualms about eating it and it was very tasty. The afternoon was spent in typical post party style – laid out on the sofas while we watched a few films. I was introduced to some more Australian classics, Welcome to Woop Woop and Red Dog neither of which I had heard of before.  After a lazy afternoon, some dinner and another film I turned in for an early night.

“Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor” 
Lyrics from Under the Sea from the musical The Little Mermaid